Hitler’s son and Chaplin: The sordid truth revealed!

Today’s Daily Telegraph – rapidly stitching into its hair-weave the jester’s crown of Britain’s silliest paper – has not one, but two exciting historical revelations:

First up: Charlie Chaplin may have been …French!

Charlie - or should that be "Charlot"?

Second: Hitler had a son, Jean-Marie Loret, by a Frenchwoman he met while moseying round the Maginot Line during WWI:

Hitler only had un fils

I can’t see why the Telegraph doesn’t have the nous to put 2 and 2 together to get the real answer:

Charlie Chaplin was really the Frenchman Jean-Marie Loret – the son of Adolf Hitler!

It explains so much! Those who might quibble about discrepancies in dates of birth in my marvellous new conspiracy theory can, I feel, safely be denigrated as “birthers”, “deniers” etc etc.

Now I must go off and write a book, put together a viral YouTube video, get the backing of Al Gore, George Monbiot and the BBC, and I’ll be rich, rich, I tell you!!!