Hitler’s son and Chaplin: The sordid truth revealed!

Today’s Daily Telegraph – rapidly stitching into its hair-weave the jester’s crown of Britain’s silliest paper – has not one, but two exciting historical revelations:

First up: Charlie Chaplin may have been …French!

Charlie - or should that be "Charlot"?

Second: Hitler had a son, Jean-Marie Loret, by a Frenchwoman he met while moseying round the Maginot Line during WWI:

Hitler only had un fils

I can’t see why the Telegraph doesn’t have the nous to put 2 and 2 together to get the real answer:

Charlie Chaplin was really the Frenchman Jean-Marie Loret – the son of Adolf Hitler!

It explains so much! Those who might quibble about discrepancies in dates of birth in my marvellous new conspiracy theory can, I feel, safely be denigrated as “birthers”, “deniers” etc etc.

Now I must go off and write a book, put together a viral YouTube video, get the backing of Al Gore, George Monbiot and the BBC, and I’ll be rich, rich, I tell you!!!

King Charles spaniels: Don’t fence me in…

I have just read something which I can scarcely believe but wish beyond measure to be true: that King Charles spaniels are, by Royal decree (Charles I, Charles II?), allowed to go anywhere they want to within the realm. Even unto universities, post offices, military hospitals or Nazi party offices (the places Hitler decreed

I'm on the guest list - the permanent guest list: A King Charles spaniel yesterday

in the first state-wide smoking ban in 1941). Even if the said establishments say (as they so often do) no dogs except “assistance dogs” allowed. I would dearly like this to be true. Can anyone confirm/refute?