Posts Tagged ‘German cucumbers’

I’m wasted here, I am

June 1, 2011 Leave a comment

Why have none of the tabs picked up on IT’S NAPOLEON BLATTER-PARTE? Or BLATTAPARTE? Accompanied with a nice photoshopped pic of the little general with Sepp’s fat Swiss cheesy French face neatly cut’n’pasted in, I can’t believe we would not have a decent casus belli. And as eny fule kno, war’s the best stimulus to kick-start a stagnant economy.

I shall immediately email David Cameron to tell him to drop his ridiculous war against Libya, and urge him to declare immediate war on FIFA, suggesting possible rousing lines: “We shall fight them within the off-side zone against the tattooed hordes with illiterate and badly spelled inscriptions to their unfortunate offspring, and within the penalty box area except where an opposing player is attacking, in which case the South American show pony defending diver shall stand performing star-jumps” etc.

I shall point out that we have an excellent record when it comes to war in Europe. But Cameron, the heir to Blair, will ignore it. He has not seen The Man Who Would Be King. Funny how we suffer from rulers who learn neither the lessons of history, nor the lessons of popular culture about the lessons of history. If you know what I mean.

BTW, wouldn’t it be funny if the German E coli infected cucumbers turned out to be organically grown? The most unsafe method of growing produce known to Man, which is why we switched to safer and more productive methods when we knew how. But rock on, Prince Charles.

Though I did notice The Blessed Camilla was looking decidedly peaky while attending the Hay Festival of Literature and the Arts in Hay-on-Wye yesterday. The Hon Mrs “Peggy” Legge-Bourke, who welcomed her, seemed to notice it as well.

I hope old Bat-ears isn’t feeding Camilla his organically-grown German gherkins. He’s already disposed of one wife. Another one, and when he accedes we may as well rechristen Buck House as Bluebeard’s Castle.